the big "c"

so, i had cancer. i think i can say that it is gone now and that i am cancer-free...but i never really asked my doctor that specifically...guess i should. anyways, what a trip. you hear about it, you probably know someone who has had it, you are told that pretty much anything and everything can give you cancer, but you never think it will happen to you. well, last march, it happened to me. i am not sure how long i had it before i found out about it, but i can guess that it was at least a few months. i started feeling tired and kind of weird maybe in december of last year. i noticed that after working out on the elliptical machine and lying down to do some crunches that it felt like my heart was beating in my abdomen and i could feel a hard lump. i didn't think too much of it at the time, but i guess that was the tumor. i started feeling more tired and i didn't have an appetite. i wasn't sure what was wrong, but i guess i figured it was some sort of winter cold or flu. i also had the chills a lot. i also had a lot going on at the time. i had just gotten engaged, i was going to go back to school, and i was trying to be a good maid of honor for my sister so being tired didn't seem very weird.

i remember joking around with my co-workers about my strange symptoms and comically saying, "what if it's cancer?!".

anyways, my lack of energy was driving my mom crazy so she finally made me go to urgent care. the doctor there told me that it felt like it could be a baby(!) or a tumor (!!). i think my blood test at urgent care was pretty wacky too and they told me to go to the emergency room right away.

the next 48 hours are kind of blurry and stuff. they ran a ton of tests on me and the next thing i know i am scheduled for surgery. because the tumor was attached to one of my ovaries, we had to make some quick decisions. should they try to save my other ovary? should they take everything out so that i won't have to worry about this happening again? well...considering that i was newly engaged and have always wanted to have a family andy, my mom, and i decided that if they discovered that the other ovary was not damaged that they should leave it in. this way we can at least try to have a baby or two and if we are not able too, we know that there are a lot of other options. the doctor did recommend that as soon as we are done having children (or trying to have children) that i should have everything else taken out as soon as possible. i guess we will see what happens in the next few years! the worst thing about the possibility of another surgery is the thought of having to drink that nasty stuff that cleans out your system again! ugh!! maybe they will have a better method by then...

so anyways...i had 6 rounds of chemotherapy and am really glad to be done with that! the first couple rounds were hard because i had gotten an infection from my surgery. i wasn't able to eat much and was very weak. two rounds of anti-biotics later i was better and overall the rest of my treatments were not too bad. i had some nausea and of course lost my hair, but i know that it could have been a lot worse. i can't wait for my hair to grow back because i am very sick of wearing a wig.

anyways, i am generally an optimistic person so here are the top five good things about my chemotherapy:

1. getting time off of work
2. not having to shave my legs all summer
3. having time to just relax and read books
4. spending a lot of quality time with my mom
5. getting over my fear of doctors

and on the flip side, here are the top five bad things that i experienced (there are more then 5, but i'll leave out some of the gory details):

1. losing my hair
2. feeling weak
3. not being able to sleep very well
4. all the needle sticks and shots
5. losing my hair :(

well that is all for now. time to move on with my life! i've already got a lot to look forward too since andy and i just closed on our house and of course the wedding! i am looking forward to making fun decorating decisions and getting into the wedding details! woot, woot!